Surviving the choir of darkness

During the summer clinical of 2013, I met a Soul – A Patient – A Warrior– A Survivor, who taught me it is never too late to embrace life.

In July of 2012, she felt an oversized lump in her right breast on a stunning Sunday morning while celebrating her only son's sixth birthday.

She never went into detail about the medical predicament she found herself in as a result of that lump, preferring to focus on what it did to her life and how she became stronger, happier, and a better person as a result.

She does, however, want us to know that she had a very terrible experience enduring chemo and radiotherapy treatments, as well as having surgery to remove both of her breasts.

She never questioned herself - "why did it happen to me?" – from the minute she was told she had cancer. She although instinctively recognized that this was a sign. It's not a disaster, nor is it a death sentence, but it's a sign. And if she was sensitive enough, patient enough, and trusted in things larger than herself, she may realize what this sign was trying to tell her.

Before her diagnosis, she was the most realistic person her circle knew. She was a dedicated worker concerned about her financial situation, as well as what other people said and thought about her. She was well aware that everything hinged on her and her alone! Who will be for me if I am not for myself? was her only motto. Needless to say, despite having everything a person could desire in life, she remained unsatisfied. She constantly had the impression that there was something else she could do or a better way to accomplish things. She believed that this incident was the driving force behind her unexpected attitude from the moment she learned she had cancer. She recognized the illness as a wake-up call. It was a chance for her to reflect on the path she had already taken to determine which path she wanted to take in the future.

Gratitude at being alive was the first emotion that sprang to her mind as she tried to process the news. It was only then that she realized that life is truly a gift. All of the things she had taken for granted in the past appeared to be new gifts. She found herself grateful for everything she had, everything she could accomplish, and the beauty, wealth, and love she had. She developed an incredibly strong determination to win the struggle of healing her body and spirit as a result of her gratitude.

Although she was undergoing aggressive chemotherapy, she drastically altered her diet, focusing on a nutritious diet and avoiding junk food. She recalls gazing in the mirror the day after her bilateral mastectomy and thinking to herself that she still looks fantastic without her breasts. In addition, she began working out and exercising. It took some time for her to get into shape mentally and physically at first, but as time went on, she realized that she was doing very well.

The transformation she was undergoing did not end with a new diet. It was a lot more in-depth and essential. She recognized that there are things she couldn't control, no matter how brilliant, talented, good, or successful she was. The fact that she couldn't control everything was the most difficult thing for her to grasp. Trying to find a balance between 'doing' and 'letting go' was the most difficult thing she had to do as a control freak.

She made the conscious decision to educate herself, and as a result, she studied books, blogs, and sites about this dreadful condition. They all taught her, and she taught us, that to beat cancer and live a long and happy life, she needed to fix not just her body but also her soul. What does it mean to restore one's soul, though? This was the fuel that allowed her engine to function. For the first time in her life, she decided to follow her inner instincts and thoughts. That was the start of an incredible and thrilling ride for her, which she is currently on. She asked herself regularly, "What does my heart urge me to do?" She then proceeded to follow it. It required a lot of guts and faith, but most importantly, it required her to love herself.

This journey took her to Nepal (4 weeks in a meditation resort), where she attended workshops, made new friends, continued to work hard but in a different mindset, raised her son differently, was able to ask for help and to speak about the things that bothered her, regardless of how it sounded or what other people thought of her. She wanted to be honest with herself.

As strange as it may sound, she feels better today than she did before she was diagnosed with cancer in many ways and is an inspiration for many cancer fighters.

Her experience taught me two things: We are stronger than we imagine, and life is brief and should be cherished to the maximum.

Farzana Vadsaria

Assistant Manager,

Nursing Education Services, Clifton Campus

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